i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
