There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
