my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
