As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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