he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
