I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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