That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
