there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
