How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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