did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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