I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
