think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
