dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
