Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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