he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
