When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
