I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
