i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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