I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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