I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
