I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
operation harelip BJ is a go
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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