If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
