she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
