The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
