I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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