sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
