I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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