All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
