Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
