apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
