I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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