Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
