Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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