i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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