Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
