is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
