i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
