i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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