I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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