Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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