woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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