forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
