I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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