at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
