dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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