I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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