1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
