I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
