you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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