We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
