this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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